Warning
If the word vomit or anything similar to that makes you queasy, you do not want to read this. But if you want a good laugh, read on...
I had my three grand kids ages 2, 5 and 7
This is my grandson
My husband and I decided to go to the grocery store on a Saturday night. Not a good thing because you know how busy they are then. As we entered the store we went straight to the produce. We were not in there for more than three minutes when my 5 year old grandson said
"Grandma I'm going to throw up".
I quickly scanned the area for a garbage can. I know a produce bag would have been the thing to grab but sometimes it takes a miracle to get them to open quickly. I could see the front doors from where we were so I whisked him up in my arms and started running as quickly as I could to the front doors. Dodging in and out of people I'm surprised that someone didn't tackle me thinking I was kidnapping this kid. As we were running I kept saying
HOLD IT! HOLD IT!
He had on a jacket so I held it up close to his face while running so if he didn't make it the jacket would catch most of it. I could see a light at the end of the tunnel. We were just steps away from the front doors when he blurted out
"Grandma I Can't Hold It"
Mind you I have him in my arms so we are face to face. Next thing I remember were my last words, "Yes you can hold it" as he projectile vomited into the jacket, onto my face and directly into my mouth.
Think about that for a second before I go on. Were not done yet!
The vomit that had hit the jacket splattered right back in his face. He looked like someone had thrown a bowl of yogurt in his face all you could see were his little eyes. We were right outside the front doors and I set him down. I had vomit in my mouth, hair, face and down the front of me. You should have seen people's faces as I am gagging, heaving and spitting his vomit out of my mouth right at the front doors. Finally a lady said "Hold on I'll go get you something"
This is the part you have to picture in your head!
My grandson and I are standing facing each other, he has gotten the worst of it, (except for me getting it in the mouth) It is even on top of his head. Okay, back to the part we were facing each other and I am bent over spitting, gagging and heaving. I started thinking this looks like I just threw up all over my grandson. I was embarrassed before, but now I was humiliated. People probably thought I had just thrown up on my grandson. I heaved and gagged a little more and then the nice lady returned with some paper towels. We cleaned up as good as we could.
Believe it or not we are not done yet!
It is snowing and cold outside and here we stand all stinkyand dirty. Now what? My husband is in the store with the other two kids and he hasn't even come to check on us. What the crud! I don't have the car keys or my phone. It is still in the grocery cart. Yeah you guessed it we had to take our stinky , vomity selves into the store to find him. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. We found him and after giving him a quick piece of my mind and a few dirty looks we rushed back out of the store to wait in the car.
Done yet? Not even!
We sat in the car and waited while the air filled up with vomit smell. I had some wet wipes so we sat their cleaning ourselves. I wiped the inside of my mouth several times. Then came the thing that topped it all off. I kind of licked my lip and felt a chunk, what other could it be then a chunck of vomit. That was the last straw I couldn't take any more, I quickly opened my car door leaned out and yes you can guess what happened. It was my turn to not be able to hold it anymore!
I can laugh now as I wonder how many people posted on Facebook that night, about the lady that got thrown up on at the grocery store.
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